Winding Down A Chapter of Discovery

There once lived an African warrior in whom the King trusted the land’s military ambition. This warrior, Akum, was of blessed strength, feral-like instincts and was too able to engage in tactical philosophical combat. He had everything a King would want in a commander and as the land’s military might grew, King Choda entrusted onto him the power to decide which battles the kingdom would engage. For seeing how able Akum was in winning a battle, further allowing him to decide which battles to fight seemed to be the next logical step. A decade later, the Kingdom was no more.

Akum lay in his own pool of blood, wondering how he the great tactical master could fall to the blade of another. Looking at the broad sheath of metal lodged in his chest, Akum could not help but notice that the blade was not pure, it was instead a composite. Its hilt was made of wood much like that of that found in the kingdom of Opegra. The pommel had a shaft protruding out of the sword to make it stronger, the protruding shaft was of crystal-like material, as how the Winact kingdom would have it. The guard made from hardened rubber as the Sere people believed in the dexterity of their weapons. It was then that Akum realised, in the quest to master and expend his abilities, he had fought all his possible foes. Akum chose to fight all and once he became overwhelmed, he failed to call on his allies for they were now his foes. The same foes that made the blade he fell by.

The Navel

I’m not too sure why I chose to include the story. The sum of the matter has much less gravitas. I’ve been battling with my own mental fortitude, the more I’ve won the more I’ve lost, mentally speaking. What I mean by this, by choosing to be a student, co-founder, founder as well as point lead in friends and family projects I’ve forgotten that I too am human. I’m not made of limitless boundless energy and perhaps the acceptance of this is realisation that I’m getting old. My back tells me I’m no longer a teenager as I lay myself to sleep, moments before my mind asks me if it’s all worth it.

Burnout has been a frequent companion of mine. Much so that progress is visualised by a struggling Woodcock. The teams I’ve worked with have often described me as a team player who’ll push hard but not for long, before needing to catch a long breadth. My wanderings in this long hall that is the search of purpose has brought me to the doors of therapy, motivational talks, yoga all to no use. Had I taken a step back to appreciate this long beautiful hallway, I would have known from the get-go. The problem has not been that I lack stamina, it has been that I lack focus.

The Dawn of Focus

This blog piece is much a personal note than anything. A journal take I might add. In this note I’m adding simple strokes. FOCUS on the essentials, we’re not gods with ubiquitous presence and energy. What does this mean to the bigger picture?

If you’re a stakeholder in any project I’m involved in then I’ve probably let you know, one way or another. My involvement in the firms; Primitus Leads, Nova Energy and Blade Technologies have come to an end for the time being. At least until my involvement in them aligns perfectly with my own planned trajectory. I’ve dropped down to minor roles in Softech Builders, Softech Mobile Solutions and Sumo Air. All minor projects are being phased out, again temporarily, procedurally.

While learning by the flame has had its advantages in both experience and financial standing, I’ve chosen to maximise effort. Quite frankly, I am afraid of becoming the jack of all trades and master of none when it comes to professional development. Quite frankly, I’m choosing to focus my efforts in what aligns directly to my long term and short-term goals. For the benefit of my own mental health, my own potential and social health. With this I’m hoping to finally put the dreadful cycle of productivity and burn out behind me.

What now?

For now, I remain Ivan/Ntando. A student first and a community impact player second. I’m a student of the degree I seek to attain, as well as a student of code with which I seek to build. Does this mean I have ceased collaborating with like-minded individuals? While the rate at which I’ll collaborate will immensely drop, the projects I do end up collaborating on will be on short term basis and if only they align with my values and trajectory.

The newly minted project Curated Gifts will continue to operate, mainly because the project went off to false start through which I intend to turn things around and equate the amount and effort invested. So, I may or may not post content on Curated Gifts as a project (again regulating workload).

At the end of the day

I still do not know why I chose to include Akum’s story lol. Perhaps then I could say if I were Akum, this is me choosing to focus on the land’s pressing needs and making allies of those we do not need to fight. Unlike Akum, we’re choosing to pick our fights for the sake of prolonged and even heightened success.

I write this to share to those who may have been wondering which stone I hid under. I also write this to tell myself to chin up and get ready to take the next couple of months on the chin. We suffer now, only for future success.

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